:: GussetBLOG ::

:: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 ::

The 12 Days of Christmas

My nephew is staying with us at the moment and is keen to sign the 12 Days of Christmas, up the the appropriate day, to us each morning. In an effort to remember all of the lyrics, as my BBC micro singing version obviously didn't burn it in adequately during my childhood, I looked it up.

The first google hit, which I will not link to as I don't want to increase it's page ranking, was a Christian carols page that claimed religious symbolism to each of the days:

1 True Love refers to God
2 Turtle Doves refers to the Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds refers to the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings refers to the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking refers to the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing refers to the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping refers to the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping refers to the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming refers to the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

This all sounds slightly dubious to me. A few hits down the ratings we find the wikipedia page. No more reliable a source but it does include the following text:

"The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes indicates there are suggestions that "the gifts have significance, as representing the food or sport for each month of the year. Importance [certainly has] long been attached to the Twelve Days, when, for instance, the weather on each day was carefully observed to see what it would be in the corresponding month of the coming year. Nevertheless, whatever the ultimate origin of the chant, it seems probable [that] the lines that survive today both in England and France are merely an irreligious travesty."^[2]

"A bit of modern folklore claims that the song's lyrics were written as a "catechism song" to help young Catholics learn their faith, at a time when practicing Catholicism was discouraged in England (1558 until 1829). There is no substantive primary evidence supporting this claim, and no evidence that the claim is historical, or "anything but a fanciful modern day speculation."^[1]

"In fact, variations in lyrics provide evidence against the "catechism song" origin. For example, the four Gospels often are described as the "four calling birds," when in fact the phrase "calling birds" is a modern (probably 20th century) phonetic misunderstanding of "colly birds" (blackbirds).^{[original research?]}"

So, the song is probably irreverent but it's not entirely clear. I'd definitely take any religious claims with a large pinch of salt.

For a more surreal take on it the brilliant 12 Days themed Why Bother? interviews between Peter Cook and Chris Morris, which is a gem of improvised comedy. [It's available on CD and in text form.]

The Christ sketch is a great example:

Labels: History, Humour, Music

:: Dan 30.12.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Just discovered the Lego Express blog, also via pied-a-terre.



"Brick for Scirocco" is the name given to the Lego styled radiator designed by Marco Baxadonne.

Labels: Design, Film, Humour, Lego

:: Dan 13.12.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Some readers may remember I did a stand-up routine a few years ago about Brian Eno being "The One" (like Neo in The Matrix).

Seems someone else thinks he may actually be VALIS (from the Philip K Dick book of the same name, although Radio Free Ablemuth is a much better book on the same subject).

Before scanning that from the Sunday Time Style magazine I searched for an online version. I didn't find one but did find this from last April:

What pop music tells us about JG Ballard
"Author JG Ballard, who has died aged 78, cast a huge influence over the literary world. But for those who have never picked up one of his novels there's another forum for learning about his work - pop music."

Labels: Art, Humour, Literature, Music, Sci-Fi

:: Dan 4.10.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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...delaying busses but navigating around the city through vague memories of club locations. "Do you go to The Attic? ... By the Full Moon ... It's on the left after Clockwork ... umm, do you go straight down Gloucester Rd to the roundabout? ... OK, I'll have a single please."

Labels: Humour, Spotted

:: Dan 30.9.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Woman walking through the city centre today wearing odd crocs, ffs. As if wearing crocs isn't bad enough, as if buying TWO PAIRS of the fucking things isn't reason enough to have someone committed, she decided to go out wearing one yellow one and one orange one.

Labels: Fashion, Humour, Spotted

:: Dan 3.8.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Spinning in the Grave: The three biggest reasons music magazines are dying
By Jonah Weiner

And form a link in that article...

Music As Torture: War Is Loud
"UPDATED: At Guantanamo Bay, the military is attempting to break down Muslim prisoners by bombarding them with ear-splitting rap and metal, leading human rights activists to ask: When does an interrogation tactic become pure torture?"
By David Peisner

See also Jon Ronson's The Men Who Stare at Goats, which, bizarrely, is now being made into a film with Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges!

There's an interview with Ronson about it here:


Clip from the Channel 4 doc:

Labels: Amnesty, Humour, journalism, Music

:: Dan 29.7.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Did Knights Solicitors stop and think about the message they were sending with this KKK logo?

Labels: Design, graphics, Humour, Logo, Visuals

:: Dan 15.7.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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NHS Swine Flu Alert

"Establish a network of “flu friends” - friends and relatives - who can help if you fall ill. They could, for example, collect medicines and food for you."

Sign up to swinebook now!

You can also follow my Oinks on Trufflr.

Labels: health, Humour, SocialNetworking

:: Dan 15.7.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Me: I've just grabbed these from your kitchen... we had a tea-bag disaster up stairs.
Receptionist: Oh no! What happened?
Me: We ran out.
Receptionist: Oh.

Labels: Humour

:: Dan 14.7.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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I found a mobile phone dropped in a puddle yesterday. I went through the numbers in it trying to work out whose it was and how to get it back to them. One of the numbers was for "Banksy." I was pondering this when a text arrived from the owners Mrs so I called her and explained and worked out how to return it. Turns out it belonged to a planning consultant from Surrey called Oscar. Banksy moves in mysterious ways.

Labels: Humour

:: Dan 7.7.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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"This is a message from Mark Thomas who is playing at the Tobacco Factory Theatre tonight in Bristol. He is organising a demonstration today (Friday) at 4.30pm outside Norfolk House, the local tax office in Temple Street: Message from Mark Thomas: While I am down in Bristol performing I thought it might be fun to do a little demo. So if you fancy coming along the demo is for the shutting down of tax havens and forcing corporations to pay their tax onshore. Where better to start campaigning than HMRC , the tax office in Bristol at Norfolk House. The government obsession with the free market means that buildings that were public are now private, so the tax office is owned by Sigma 2004 Ltd and the tax office in Bristol pay rent for their building. BUT Sigma 2004 Ltd were incorporated in the British Virgin Islands and Jersey - tax havens... so the tax office pay rent for a building we should own to tax dodgers. There is only one answer to this absurdity and that is to invade Jersey! No more multi lateral agreements at the G20, no more polite resolutions! Send in the troops, it's the only language these bankers and landlords understand! DEMO FRIDAY outside Norfolk House - Temple St Bristol BS1 6HS at 4.30pm bring banners and fun. INVADE JERSEY! We call on the HMRC to go on rent strike and move to a squat! Mark Thomas"

Labels: Humour, Law, Politics, protest, Tax

:: Dan 22.5.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Wind farm 'kills Taiwanese goats'

A large number of goats in Taiwan may have died of exhaustion because of noise from a wind farm.

How close were they? I've seen cows in the same field as turbines without issue. Maybe because they couldn't get away from it? Maybe goats are light sleepers?

I will be preparing a bid for a detailed study into this issue. It will involve me living in Asia for several months, maybe years, and access to as many goats as I could ask for. I may then move on to other animals. I expect the government grant any day now.

Labels: Environment, Humour, News, Noise

:: Dan 22.5.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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You may have seen the World of Harajuku Lovers Fragrance ads around on bus stops and such recently. Whenever I see these the imagery and the colour palette make me think of Burtie Basset and Dr Who's lazy unimaginative Happiness Patrol villain. Like so...










See.

Labels: Advertising, Fashion, Humour, Sci-Fi, Vison

:: Dan 16.5.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Stuff I've found recently but haven't found time to write about:

Roomba, Economics and Long-Exposure Photography

Edit: Thanks to Tania for sending this iRobot Create Roomba hack link.

Dream: The Big Art Project
Watch the C4 series on Sunday evenings

New Scientist: You are made of space-time

BCS vs Singh - Astonishingly Illiberal Ruling

Behind the label: Recycled Toilet Tissue

BBC5 TV
"We are NOT the BBC. In an era when the majority of media corporations are subservient to ruling elites, new forms of underground media have to emerge. BBC5.tv would not exist if journalists were always allowed to publish the truth. The fact is that many are silenced."

Newsnight – Immigration Song Contest

BLDG BLOG:
Man unexcited by his own possessions
How the other half writes - In defence of Twitter
The Hills Have Eyes



Bacon is a health food!

Richie Hawtin's 10 most ridiculous ideas

Labels: architecture, Art, Electronic Music, Environment, Food, Gadget, Humour, Law, Photography, Physics

:: Dan 16.5.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Grom says:
"It doesn't get geekier than this
Honestly, outputting the contents of your hard drive to your speakers has to be one of the simplest and geekiest things I've ever heard of. A simple command and ambient/industrial music/noise is there for the sampling. this one's specifically for you DanP"
Thanks mate! I'll be trying that out for sure!

Also via grom:
Hairdresser turned would be robber into boy toy
I'm now considering a change of occupation.

Labels: Audio, Computing, Electronic Music, Humour, Noise

:: Dan 16.4.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Israeli Arms Dealer’s Bollywood Foray

[via smashing telly]

"Weapons dealers’ marketing materials are often a great source of unintentional black comedy, however, there are no words to adequately describe this gem found by the excellent 3 Quarks daily.

"Israeli arms company, Rafael, decided to create a Bollywood style promotional video for the Aero India 2009 show in Bangalore. The truly weird result is a lot of singing and dancing around missiles."

Labels: Bollywood, Humour, Politics, Video, War

:: Dan 15.3.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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How accurate was Kubrick’s “2001: A Space Odyssey” about the future?
[via lmg]



No PowerPoint

"Part of the reason that Dr Floyd has been sent to Clavius Base is to deliver a morale-boosting speech to a crew bemused by what they have unearthed on the moon.

"Frankly, there is no way that this would have been done in the real 2001 without the judicious use of PowerPoint featuring Excel charts and inspiring pictures of puppies, and probably some free branded goodies to take away and cheer everybody up."

Labels: Film, Humour

:: Dan 11.3.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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"Most evil snowman ever"
Originally uploaded by NickPlant


That is the most evil snowman I've ever seen!

NickPlant says: Ho! I see that searching flickr for "evil snowman" yields 497 hits so assume you've checked them all. NB: I changed the title to quote you!

Well, that was a little presumptuous of you. For all you knew I was some fraud who had only ever seen two snowmen and had declared the other the most angelic, therefore making this the most evil by default.

Fortunately, however, I am actually the worlds leading authority on evil snowmen. I have indeed studied all 497 (now 502) evil snowmen to be found on Flickr and although some do look quite badly behaved (stabbing Pingu with scissors, for example) or even faintly demonic (but discounted on account of being painted and not made of actual snow) this one does indeed retain that honour.

It is definitely the only example I have found that appears to have been made by bleeding children's hands, compelled by some unknown force to carry on despite their cries of agony, possibly just leaving them with bloody stumps by the time its overwhelming presence and its power are complete.

If the above scene is not included in the next series of Dr Who it will be a herald a sad period for children's television.

Labels: Flickr, Humour, Photography

:: Dan 11.2.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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Sometimes I have to measure the Reverberation Time in a space. In large spaces sometimes a starting pistol is required, as here. Sometimes this leaves residue of explosives on my clothes or my testing equipment. I then get stopped by airport security in Belfast or at the Eurostar terminal because I've tested positive for explosives and have a lot of explaining to do.

Sometimes, in smaller rooms, popping a balloon is good enough. This means I have to go and buy balloons from an old woman who is suspicious I am going to use them for selling nitrous [oxide] at "raves."

With a memory as bad as mine I have to write a note on my hand before I go out for lunch to remind me to buy balloons. Today I choose to draw a small picture of a balloon as it would be more subtle than writing the word.

When I draw a small sketch like that one of these two thoughts commonly result:
1. Not bad, I should sketch little things like that more often, it's strangely satisfying.
2. Fuck. I've just drawn a sperm on the back of my hand.

Today was one of the latter.

Labels: Acoustics, Flickr, Humour, Photography, Travel

:: Dan 10.2.09 [Arc] [2 comments] ::
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"IKEA is the perfect family shopping paradise, but as
Mark Hoekstra strolled through his hometown IKEA,
something bothered him. They sell everything, for
parents, for kids – they’ve thought of everything, simply
everything. From knobs for your kitchen door to cheap
ice cream after you’ve finished shopping, there's
nothing that has escaped the minds of our Swedish
interior overlords. But... where's the sex?"



IKEA Love Toy - Mark Hoekstra. Photo Leo Veger



GYNEA by Sander van Bussel - Photgraphy by Leo Veger

"GYNEA provides a glimpse into the private lives of
omnipresent IKEA products. The hyper-impersonal IKEA
chair becomes the place where the most intimate and
personal activities take place. A piece of furniture many people in the world own is transformed into a private domain."

Labels: Art, Humour

:: Dan 3.1.09 [Arc] [0 comments] ::
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